Honey . . .
Do you have any idea how it makes me smile hearing your voice? Every yawn and whisper makes my day complete even before it started?
Do you have any idea that every time my phone rings I stop everything just to run to my phone and when I can’t answer your messages because of work, you never left my mind, thinking if my Honey is texting right now and worried if you’ll make tampo?
Do you have any idea how it makes me sad if I don’t receive calls and replies from you? That I just look at my phone and wait till it beeps. And there’s this one time I almost throw my phone off the hard wall because I was so surprised it just suddenly buzz in my hand when I was about to doze off?
Do you have any idea how eager I am to look forward to every morning and every night not only to talk to you but also for the “buh-byes”, “talk to you later” and then look at your pictures on my I-pod to kiss them good night and good morning?
Do you have any idea how you make me gigols everytime you talk to my sister and closest friends? Same manner with everytime I talk to your friends and to your Mom even if I’m getting tongue tied most of the time?
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You’re the one song I don’t want to sing.
I don’t have the voice.
I provided the melody. I provided the lyrics.
You provided the soul.
You sang my song so beautifully, as if it was your own.
Then I stopped and said to myself.
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There are a lot of things about missing someone so bad.
You feel lonely but definitely not quiet inside.
You tend to do things you never do.
It is two in the morning and you wanna go to the nearest convenience store. There are so many of them, being that you’re in the city with all the busy people walking and minding their own freaking business and you don’t exactly know what to buy in the first place. You go to the store, the smell is so unlike what you wanna smell but you still go in anyway. You stare at the empty-emotioned magazine covers and listen to the cold sound of freezers then you go out of the store because you discovered you don’t wanna buy anything at all. All you know is that you were were expecting that that person must be somewhere else doing that same nonsense.
You choose that long street on your way home. There is music through the car stereo but you can’t make out what song it plays because someone else is in your head. You get to your destination without you ever noticing although it is true that you must have created a constellation of raindrops on the outside of the car windows. You put yourself in your bed and can’t remember that the long street experience was actually a bad one. All you know is that you were thinking of that person 95% of the time.
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I think most of us are haunted deep within by a sense of lost perfection, by the nagging feeling not just that things could be better but that they once were better. That we can actually, in our hearts, recall a feeling of joy that we cannot reproduce, and that is our ultimate agony. It’s not just that we can imagine utter happiness, it’s that we have tasted it, and having tasted it, nothing else tastes the same, which is why so much of life is so bitterly sweet. I don’t think we ever stop trying to find it again, that sense of infinite well being and security.
Deep in our hearts we all long for a sort of restoration. That’s what love offers, our only chance back to an ethereal communion we once enjoyed, and maybe that’s why love even at first sight feels so much like a reunion. =)
