Has it been abandoned? I just started to realize these. Why are we so impatient when it comes to love? Why do we throw ourselves to the wolves when we cannot have what has been promised? Why did you not wait for me to bring myself back to you? I’ve been a seasoned player in this game and to abandon it, I feel that I would be letting go of one of the best qualities I have. Patience is a virtue, but they never said how it can hurt.

Patiently waiting for that time with high hopes. I was so excited. You could tell in the smile I carried. I was going to talk to you again. I patiently waited. Seconds, minutes, hours passed. But you didn’t come.

Do we see promises with skeptical eyes? We’re so willing to break them now. They carry no weight I guess. Or maybe promises have become a casual thing nowadays. The waiting game, it’s not worth playing anymore, is it? Devoted players end up losing to those who go the other way. Disappointing but true.

It’s so easy to just give up, drop out, quit.

The three things I hate the most. Dammit.

It’s overwhelming, when someone so young and full of life, dies and goes just like that. And saddening , realizing that we can never see them again.

I’ve met Kim months months ago when Ice was confined at East Medical Center because of her bleeding disorder. She was in the same hospital but with a different case. She had leukemia. Everytime Ice and I talk, she always tells me about this cute little girl. How Kim serves as an inspiration because inspite of her situation, she remained as joyful and if only her physical appearances were disregarded, noone could ever thought that she was dying. What I most remember about her was her eagerness to borrow Ice’s Staedtler pens to do some drawings that only her can understand, hehe.

We’re not that close but I felt sad when Ice told me the sad news. Kim passed away at six in the morning today. I am sure her parents will be submerged into deep sorrows and seemingly endless mournings. Hope time will heal the pain in their hearts.

Kimberly Maningas. Oct 26, 2000 - Aug 23, 2008. May you rest in peace.

I always see this kind of dilemma in people that I get to meet. Even my older sister who rarely falls in love did not escape this type of situation in life. When can you say that you’re doing something wrong if you find yourself lurking around that old feeling again? You realized that you have left a tiny space for that person in your heart, and what you did was only to deny that feeling.

Dishonest when you try to hide these feelings. Denial, you battle with yourself and later on find out that you’re only cheating yourself. Paranoia, the impact that is most likely to occur. A crushed relationship is then to follow.

All of these are at risk, and you don’t even know where to begin fixing things.

What will I do if the old feeling comes back?

A college girl friend once told our barkada nun (we were six in the group), “Nagsama sama na naman kayo, sino na naman kayang babae pag uusapan nyo?”. Our jaws dropped because she said it out of nowhere, but then we all knew that she was just joking, so we just laughed about it. Then bigla syang bawi and said, “Totoo naman eh, if I know mas chismoso pa kayong mga lalake kesa sa aming mga babae.” That’s where the mini and informal debate started, haha. Two more friends of her joined her. Unsurprisingly, nakakadalawang thoughts pa lang kame, sila ata eh sampu na kaagad. Ang dadaldal, natural na ata yun sa mga babae. =p

Yeah, we guys can talk about anything we want. From girls, to sex, to basketball match ups, to online games, and other stuffs that interest us. But we’re not as brutal as girls kapag nagkkwento. Hindi rin kami maharot at magulo na ewan ko ba, bakit kailangan pang maghampasan or magkasakitan dahil sa adrenaline rush, haha. Hindi rin namin ugaling pagkwentuhan buhay ng may buhay. We get interested yes, but unlike girls, kung saan saan pa napupunta ang usapan. One concrete example eh kapag may nagkabuntisan. Basically sa amin, ganito lang magiging takbo ng usapan.

Guy 1: Pare, nakabuntis daw si ano ah.
Guy 2: Talaga tol? Kelan pa raw?
Guy 1: Hindi ko alam, hindi ko na natanong.

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