Meron daw akong kakaibang ugali sabi ng mga nakakakilala saken. Gusto ko sana umangal kaso parang totoo naman. Kapag naguguluhan kasi ako o kaya namomroblema, hindi ako yung tipo na nagmumukmok sa isang tabi. Oo, dinadaan ko minsan sa toma at yosi, pero after nun, parang wala ng nangyari. Some take it positively, and syempre negative for some. Hindi naman nawawala yung mga kontra bulate. We can’t please everybody sabi nga, and heck, we’re not obliged to please all of them either. Besides, yung mga kontra, sila yung spices sa buhay naten, hehe. Back to the main topic (amp parang forum lang, haha). Sabi ng iba, it only shows that I’m a ‘happy go lucky’ type of guy. Parang bahala na, let the problem fix itself. Ganun ba ko? Hmmm ewan ko. Sabi naman ng iba, I’m just trying to divert my emotions sa ibang bagay. It’s like tinatago ko lang daw because I’m protecting an image. Ganun ba talaga ko? Hmmm ewan ko ulet. Not all people have the same level of thinkings and perceptions kaya as for me, bahala na sila mag isip. What matters is I know myself and I’m flexible enough to adapt to different judgments and situations.
Archive for August, 2008
I always see this kind of dilemma in people that I get to meet. Even my older sister who rarely falls in love did not escape this type of situation in life. When can you say that you’re doing something wrong if you find yourself lurking around that old feeling again? You realized that you have left a tiny space for that person in your heart, and what you did was only to deny that feeling.
Dishonest when you try to hide these feelings. Denial, you battle with yourself and later on find out that you’re only cheating yourself. Paranoia, the impact that is most likely to occur. A crushed relationship is then to follow.
All of these are at risk, and you don’t even know where to begin fixing things.
What will I do if the old feeling comes back?
Two days ago, I received a surprising call from a long time friend who happens to be the subject of my previous entry. From the moment she started talking, I instantly felt the tension and the emotions she wanted to convey to me. She was extremely down. I just let her speak and I just kept on listening to her every words. I felt her sudden urge to cry in her voice. All that she mentioned repeatedly was ” Nath, akala ko masakit na yung ginawa ni (name of a guy), mas masakit pa pala to”. Me, clueless on what she’s saying, asked for an explanation. It was later I found out that she’s two weeks pregnant and the guy who’s my friend as well doesn’t want to take the responsibilities. I got tongue tied. I didn’t know how to comfort her as I am not good in words when it comes to difficult situations like hers. I just told her that sooner or later, everything will fall into their right places. I’m aware that that didn’t even lessen the pain she has but what can I do, that’s all that I could offer at that time. More or less after 5 minutes, she decided to hang up the phone and continued the story through text. She wanted me to talk to my guy friend and make him realize what he had done. According to her, she chose me because she knows that that same situation happened to me before and I was able to surpass it.
Yes, I’ve experienced it before but definitely a whole different story with them. At a very young age, I became a father to a cute and smart little boy named Kurt Enzo. He was named after the lead vocalist of my favorite rockband, Nirvana. He is one of my stress busters. Just thinking of his cute gestures and talking to him can make a bad day turn into a great one. My friend’s story made me miss Kurt so much than before. I miss the way he calls me “Neethan” because he’s having a hard time pronouncing my name Neytan, hehe. But when his Mom showed him some alphabet flash cards, the letter D with the word Doughnut caught his ever changing mind. Since then, he got fond of calling me Doughnath. He is so adorable and can really make me smile effortlessly. How cute he is everytime he makes lambing and asks for Jabibi (Jollibee), yoyet (chocolates), toter (helicopter), and epen (airplane) from me. Next school year, I believe he’ll go to school already. Just now, he’s so eager to study. He keeps on borrowing her Mom’s pens and does some doodling thing on papers, chairs, tables, and even on walls. Haha. I am so proud of him. He is my son. Click the images to enlarge into a new window.
You’re the one song I don’t want to sing.
I don’t have the voice.
I provided the melody. I provided the lyrics.
You provided the soul.
You sang my song so beautifully, as if it was your own.
Then I stopped and said to myself.