Sometimes I just have to say goodbye. Parting ways is inevitable, of course I would be minding the things we shared together, but on one part, there’s this something that tells me that I have to move on. Things can’t always work out as we have planned. There’s a time wherein I weigh things and decide on what’s best not only for me but also for those who are around me.
I hate goodbyes. I tend to pretend that everything’s fine, but still the memory haunts me. Someone so special is not that easy to let go. I could wallow all day and all night, but the feeling just won’t leave me. Even if I have learned to forget, still, when I lie awake at night, the pain is still there. I have learned to ignore it, but the real thing is, it’s been eating me from the inside.
Why did I choose to let go of someone? I did that because I also care about her. I know that she will be better off that way. I also thought of the trouble we two might cause if we continue that madness, or worse, something is wrong with me. I’m left thinking about these things. Am I not enough? Did I not satisfy her? Damn, it’s so hard to think.
Maybe I’m just frustrated because it seems like destiny’s been playing with me. He lets me meet person I would definitely like. He would mock and tease me until we get closer and closer. Just when I’m about to move in for the kill it happens. There’s always something I discover or I realize that would make me, or that person think that we’re not doing the right thing. It pains me that things didn’t go our way. That I never got to love the person I’m supposed to love.
I feel stupid. So stupid that there’s this imaginary tag on my back with a dunce sign in it. I wish someone would kick me, or slap me, or punch me to wake me from this awful nightmare. This is too much for me. I shouldn’t be minding these stuffs, as I have lots of other things to attend to. But I can’t erase the fact I have been a slave of love. I have followed its orders that led me to my doom. She pawned and owned me. Now that she’s gone, my existence was abruptly deleted from a distant universe.
